5 Reasons why I chose to take a break in my career and be a ‘Full time Mom’

Yes, that was a big decision. That too for a girl who used to be a top ranking student, have worked with 2 software giants, has a lot of dreams and aspirations, it was really a big thing to leave all that behind and be a housewife, though it is for a while. But what made me take that decision? Do I still feel fine about that? I tell you here. It may help a new Mom who is struggling to decide, just like I was then.

1. The bond, it’s now or never:

Money can be made anytime. But the bond, its now or never. Experts say that the right time to build the bond between you and your child is the first few years. If I miss to build the bond now, I can not expect my child to listen to me or to share things with me as a friend any time in her life. If I leave behind everything else and pamper her with all my effort now, I build a trust that, ‘Mama will always be there when I need her’. That way, I can always expect my child to come to me to share that little secret. Some of my Mom friends worry about their children getting too attached to the caretaker. The solution they go for is, changing the caretaker once in a while so that she doesn’t get attached to anyone that much. Good that, I never had to have such worries. It’s always me and my child.

2. To lay a better foundation for my child’s physical and mental development:

whysahm2

You may know that 80% of a child’s brain development happens in the first 3 years. It’s also proven that the mother’s warmth and care in essential for a child’s development to be on track. Studies show that the babies who get the warmth of their mother round the clock have a positive effect in the production of brain cells. Studies apart, I personally wanted to play an active part in their development. If it’s not my responsibility, no one else’s. I don’t need a study result to tell me that. Besides, raising a happy and content child is important for a better future. Spending money alone can’t do that. Spending time with them definitely does.

3.I just wanted to enjoy motherhood to the fullest, not confusing things and finally ending up not doing justice to either sides:

Your baby, when she arrives at your hand, has the magical power of putting your world up side down. Your world starts to revolve around her. She occupies your mind so fully that leaving her at home and being at office means you are only physically present there. While she can’t communicate yet, she can’t even convey her needs, I can’t sit peacefully and say, “It’s okay, she’s gonna be fine. I can work now”. This would certainly affect the pace, quantity and quality of my work. Missing deadlines, crashed appraisals.. I may finally end up taking my office laptop at home, which in turn, eats up all the quality time with my baby. Finally, I’m not doing justice to both my roles. Obviously, I don’t want that. Also that, in my opinion, the job of ‘being a mother’ can’t be done as a part time job. So, ‘I am a full time mother’ makes sense to me.

4. I don’t really care about those “So, you don’t work?”s:

whysahm3

We can’t deny that some of us do not want to leave the job, just because they don’t want to be a SAHM. It’s not that you feel inferior. People make you feel inferior. Wherever you go, there will be that one person to ask you, “So, you don’t work?”. (“What the hell!! What else do you think I’m doing at home?”. Okay, I know. it’s an entirely different story which calls for an exclusive post) We live in a poor society which thinks, if you are an SAHM, you know nothing but cooking. But why should I care about them anyhow. They are not going to babysit tonight. “Yes, I am a full time mother. But, why am I supposed to feel so inferior about that. I may not  be wearing a tag and a card. What I am wearing is a crown. Yes, that’s how my child looks at me. I’m a queen in her world. No one has ever given me such a honor.  And It’s not fair if I do not give her back what she deserves, an undivided attention.”

5. Above all, I had enough confidence on me and my skills:

whysahm4

Yes, you are right. In my industry, a ‘gap’ matters. With a 3 year old son and a 5 month old daughter, I already got a gap of 3+ years and still counting. I can still confidently say, “No, I’m not going to be a doormat wife forever.” Even if I’m not so preferred in my industry, I would just say, “Ok guys, the loss is yours” and walk on. This is a world of opportunities. Based on your skills, you can always assume a new career and be successful in that. Life starts at 30 you know.

All these being the reasons why I chose to be a ‘Full time mother’ for a while, Do I still feel fine about that?

Yes I do:

Oh yeah! I heard you right, being a SAHM does have its own downside. You lose your financial independence. You can’t help feeling like a household machine at times. You get little or no time for yourself. Often, I tend to ask myself, ‘Does it really worth it?”. But at the end of the day, things always make me realize ‘Yes.It does’. Coming to the stress part, there are more than a dozen ways you can get rid of it.. I’m soon writing on that.

So mommies, I just shared my thoughts on this. Share your thoughts too. Also, just like I had reasons to be a full time mom, a working mom would have her own reasons why she chose to be one. We would love to hear them as well.

Finally,

When a baby is born, all that she knows is her mom. She still thinks herself as a part of her mom. It takes a while for a baby to realize that she is an individual being. She gets to know her father, her siblings, her first toy.. her world grows very slow. It’s important for me to hold her hands at least till she thinks, ‘Hey, It’s okay. These people are not aliens anymore’.

Happy mommying!!! Take care!!!

References:

http://www.savethechildren.org/site/c.8rKLIXMGIpI4E/b.8193011/k.4505/Early_Steps_to_School_Success.htm

http://www.livescience.com/18196-maternal-support-child-brain.html

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149 thoughts on “5 Reasons why I chose to take a break in my career and be a ‘Full time Mom’

  1. Superbly written points n all the five points are so valid specially the one where I say that we can’t do justice to both the roles simultaneously. N love the thought where I mention about been queen for our child.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Congratulations, All the Best, & Way to go!
    Your life, your choice.
    Just a teeny piece of info – baby does not think herself as a part of Mom, rather parents as a part of her “self”. True story! Check out in developmental psychology, by the way, it is MORE cute this way, what say? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well written and yes there is no doubt in saying that nothing like a giving ur child a full time attention. But, again decision on the above is subjective and it depends on many other factors. Ultimately, as mom give ur best to your child irrespective of being a fulltime or part time homemaker. Thanks for sharing your wonderful thoughts on homemaker.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Don’t use the term “FULL TIME MOM”. You make working moms feel like they’re part-time moms (there’s no such thing!). They are still mothers even when they are away from their kids.

    Sincerely,

    A Stay-At-Home-Mom

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I almost cry about the article that was so true,and I never thought that we the dedicated mother cannot have that compliment that will ne written and well explained on why we chooses become hands-on over career…at least one gives me the most credible reason on why not leaving my children in a very fair judgement….

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Loved the post.. Mother is the first guru. Baby needs her and not a luxurious life. So Its better to quit and enjoy with baby. Most importantly, don’t get stressed.
    Being working mom will be tough job. Agree?

    Like

    1. I agree its tough if you are leaving kids with caretaker or in day care..my mother in law was teacher and I can say proudly she has given all the good habitats to my kid and my kid is so attached to me,whenever I will come from office he will waiting for me to say whole day activities to me….so its depends on home situation….and about stress as soon as I see my son smiling I will forget everything…

      Like

  7. But our mom worked all her life. She would give birth one weekend, and report back to the accounting firm next monday (she was a really talented natural birther). Those years were really a bad time for the economy (80’s, 3rd world SEA country), and she clung onto a good accounting post — leaving good faith with the caretaker. Typically for me, I cried when taken away from my caretaker, and shouted bad things to my mom (I was four).

    When I was a bit older, I saw my friends disrespect their home-moms. Today, I still see them disrespecting their home moms. It’s actually been a pretty UNIFORM observation of mine — home moms I see become picky, controlling, and reproject their bossy attitude to their children instead of to co-workers in a career environment. While for me and my siblings? We love our mom so much, and we embrace her for minutes long, and we never get tired of kissing her cheeks. Furthermore we give her utmost respect, both as a a mom and a business advisor. I wonder if any of you guys were able to read the TIGER MOM feature in a TIME MAGAZINE issue.

    So, this was my context of skepticism while reading the above blog, and truly, moms at-home vs moms at-work is still a debatable topic, especially when discussions of “child development” arise. Yeah, moms impart better linguistic and emotional intelligence to a child compared to a random caretaker, but that’s not the entire picture is it?

    I’m not berating or putting the writer down — I hope I’m not. I just want to flip the other side of the coin, i.e., working moms.

    SORRY to take a huge dump on the article, SORRY if I was oblivious of a better way to say things, but both my comment and the blog above, as with any opinion, should be taken with a grain of salt.

    Final plottwist: my girlfriend, whom I think is “the one” might likely turn out to become a housewife, contrary to my wishes and beliefs, but hey I was raised well by my mom to be emotionally aware. (Not emotionally insecure). So whatever goes, whatever goes. It’ll be ok.

    Sincerely,

    – student council president, 20-something solo business owner, musician and writer, and a total hit with other moms

    Liked by 2 people

    1. thanks dudeatwork….u enlighten me regarding the bossy attitude of a mom who stays at home. almost doing tat..in fact most of the time I am doing it. point to ponder n avoid such behavior

      Like

    2. I agree..This is a widely debated topic..I grew up with my mum working full time and she still made sure I was brought up very well with good morals and values…how did it benefit me as a person? I grew up to be independent and respected hard work..we were able to afford a few luxuries that we otherwise wouldn’t have been privy to..I got a master’s degree which got me a great job..now I have a daughter who goes to daycare ..yes I certainly miss spending time during the day with her..but I make up for it with quality time with her which I am sure she will relish..

      Liked by 1 person

    3. +1. I am much closer to my working mother than most of my friends that had stay-at-home mothers (though exceptions abound). While financially the family didn’t have a huge amount of choice, I’m glad that she chose building a career over taking care of me full time for my first five years. Among many other things, it meant that she was able have a career, it made a great role model for me (and my friends), and it gave her a significant identity beyond being “mother”. Also, as I grew older this other life of hers gave me a lot more to relate to.

      This was not easy for her to do—she still remembers the moment of jealousy when she found that I, as an infant, could only be put to sleep by one of our roommates. But she got past that, and our bond through my teenage and adult years could hardly have been stronger.

      If you are quite sure you have a career to return to, or you’re leaving a career that you’re not that keen on anyways, then more power to you—I think that’s wonderful if it’s what you really want. But please don’t do this for your child; do it for yourself. I’m of the opinion that doing it for yourself (as opposed to for the child) has the paradoxical effect of giving your child more reason to respect you for it. Grown children can respect a necessary sacrifice, but what grown child will respect a needless sacrifice?

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Soothing words for all career oriented stay-at-home moms. Again it is subjective. Being in a Middle class family, It is absolutely fine to work as long as your child is cared and fed properly by someone [ In my case both my mom and Mom-in-law comes on shift basis to take care of my child ] during my absence. At last I am earning for my son’s future.

    If no support from family. then Wake up. Money is not everything. Big NO NO to caretaker / Early Day cares…

    Like

  9. As we all know everything has two sides,so either u r working or a homemaker has it’s pros n cons ..I mean to say if u want to smell roses ,surely u ll ve to accept it with its spines….if u want to be a mother or to enjoy ur motherhood fullest ,u ll ve to sacrifice ur career for time being…..as she has said ,money can be earned at any point of time nt motherhood …..I strongly agree with it ,uve full life to earn n save for ur kids ……it’s a matter of starting 2-3years only after then u ll be getting enough time for ur self or whole life is urs……life is really full of opportunities,only u ve to wait for a right time…..talent never gets wasted….if u ve talent ,it ll be with u ,nobody is going to snatch from u….be patient.. Best wishes to lovely moms……happy motherhood…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i dont agree. if you work in today’s competitive world, talent gets outdated pretty soon and when you try to join back work you are totally outdated and noone wants to hire you. a break of 2-3 yrs causes your career to go back in time by atleast 5-6 yrs. you have settle for a less paid, less important and lower grade job than when you left and thats very demotivating. such moms finally prefer to stay at home their entire life because they dont want to compromise..

      Like

  10. Great post..Actually i hv also given my resignation and i am in notice period..i too decided to quit my job for the same reasons..to love and nurture my baby girl as much as i can..☺

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I think it is your nstory also. In Indian culture a lady is respected not her brain or beauty but for her motherhood. She is the first guru and if she fails the child will be misfit suresh

    Like

  12. Absolute reflection of my feelings!!…I encounter the same question, “when are you back to work?”..”are you still enjoying being a mom?”…..yes we can talk a post on that…

    Liked by 1 person

  13. i dont agree with many of your points. my mom worked all her life..she is still working and i never felt distant from her. i can share my secrets with her very well. and i go to work now and dont feel that i am not being a good mother. after i come back from work, my baby has all my attention and then on weekends i spend entire time with him. so i dont feel guilty at all. i agree that its your choice to be SAHM and you enjoy it. just wanted to put forth a working mom’s point of view too

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Super ….it was mespeaking about myself…..thanks aton..itdoes hurt when people look down upon you….but a tender smile n happiness on seei n g us to receive them when they get out of their school bus..isjust out of this world…..😊😇

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I faced d same thing a few days ago… my daughter is 2 n a half n so I began my job as a teacher in a school. Bt widin a week I noticed my baby missing me like hell. She skipped her food all d time I was away. At nite she wud wake up all scared, searching for me n calling out mumma kahan hai… papa mumma meko chhod k chali gayi.

    N dn I decided, nthng is more imp dn my child n I resigned. I feel so contented wen she wraps her arms around my neck n says mumma I LOVE YOU!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Hi thamk u for sharing this one. By next month on Aug20 to be exact i will start my first job to be a SAHM! Seeing my daughter’s eyes and shouting “mie mie” makes my heart melt and do not want to waste my time not seeing her all day and all night

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Good read!!

    First thing. This is how or why she* chose to be a stay at home mom. I donot think there is a need for agreement or disagreement here. I had a happy feeling about the joy in her words and suddenly the comments took me to a different tangent!

    The minute moms stop arguing on their stand, world would be a better place. Respect each others decision for whatever reason it be. Coz working in an ofc or not, child care is no joke!!!

    To the author, i love how you are happy with what you are doing and thats what matters!

    So cheers!

    (mother of a two year old. architect by profession. Full time at home, trying hard to meet freelance work targets!!)

    Liked by 1 person

  18. The article has been beautifully written. It is inspirational :).
    I had some thoughts about the same. They are similar in some way and different in some ways. I too have resigned and do hope that my daughter will benefit from it. the decision has been because of her, but in the end it has been for me.
    After reading this blog, I wanted to reply since I differed but there were so many things to reply that I decided to blog it. I felt really nice after writing it down though it could have been better.
    You have finally made me blog. Thanks for that :).
    I felt some places I differ like when we say its investment for future. Somehow the way kids will tun up, I feel is not totally left to parents. Better to not praise of blame ourselves for their success and failures.
    Please try to read my post too :).
    http://nonidealmom.blogspot.in/2015/07/career-or-break.html

    P.S – I am posting the comment second time. Don’t know where the first one got lost.

    Like

  19. Hi, I’m on the same page with you. Keep up your work and spread the word how important it is that mums stay at home with their kids in the early years. I truly believe such kids will be stronger, healthier and kinder, in general. There is a Facebook group Mothers at home matter, you might be interested in joining it.

    Also I’ll never forget a conversation with a lady who stayed at home with her son for ten years, she took up charity jobs in between, then joined a company as an Admin, and when I spoke to her she was the CEO of a company listed on the Mumbai Stock Exchange.

    All the best! Anita

    Liked by 1 person

  20. superb writing… your thought resemble with my wife.. with her pick of carrier, she decided to be a full time Mom… sometime i feel that i am not justify her qualification and killing her carrier, but she make me convince that, she can back to her profession anytime, but beautiful moment of motherhood will never comeback… I respect my wife decision and respect your writing, which may help to justify lot of women and mothers…

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Nice article.Just salute to the author of this massagable theme..Yes, it is debatable topic..But every topic has two sides of a coin.If one cam manage or can give justice to the carrier and motherhood, yes surely proceed.But at the risk of motherhood, the carrier can be built up? Think over it…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Kushbu. Yes, a child needs her mother at her early years more than anyone or anything in this world. I believe, It’s worth putting everything behind to play dolls with her. These so called careers which sucks all our time and life is a big illusion to me. I would prefer be a Storyteller to my girl at least until she starts reading that story on her own. That will be the time I will build my real career.

      Like

  22. Absolutely true written… have been on break for 3 n half years for my kids..had a quality time with them and my hubby n have started again…Everything has its own time to come

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Superb narration. And has all the elements to boost anyone’s confidence who has been pursuing this path of kindness and upbringing of their kids. Money cannot buy you peace of mind, this post reemphasizes that to a large extent. Wish there is no more feeling of inferiority in case you have chosen this right path !!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Feels like someone has written exactly my story…right from the first point of being top rank holder.. Even I’m a SAHM and have gone through the same string of thoughts… Especially not being able to do justice to both my roles…lovely post…. Well written

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy to hear that Sapna.
      Those money minded MNCs are no match to my little baby. I thought I need not sell my life to them.
      Now we live our lives just the way we want. We go back to a career when we want to, not when they say we should.
      Thanks for sharing your lovely thoughts Sapna. Cheers to all the wonderful mothers!!!

      Like

  25. As you rightly said, the “loss is yours” for the company who does not look at SHAM as potential contributors. That said, I am already seeing companies come up with policies to start looking at hiring back mothers who have taken a long break of 2-3 years which is a good sign.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your valuable thoughts Srinivasan. Yes, you are right. I too see some healthy changes here and there. But still, I would say, Of all the industries, the one which doesn’t do justice to Mothers is IT industry. It doesn’t provide the possibility of Work- Life balance which a mother needs more than any one else. For this reason, most mothers fear to come back to career. And the trend they set, “Gap means no career” is what haunting mothers, making them decide the other way. So, In my point of view, there is still a lot to change if this industry really needs mothers as potential contributors.

      Thanks again Srinivasan. Lets hope for some good changes for us to work better and live better. 🙂

      Like

  26. Beautiful points. But I’ d rather put a point for working mommies. Financial situation forces to work…especially women can help their parents financially only if they earn. I m pretty much not sure of how many husbands can take care of their in laws in such a male dominated society.

    Like

  27. Y is it not applicable for Dad. I believe it is good for kids to devlop independence early. 24/7 is not required for kids.
    But right mentoring and being able to have their confidence does.

    Like

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